Archive | July, 2010

Viva Las Vegas!

31 Jul

This might be another long one, just  a warning!  First off, thanks for all the comments and support!  I really appreciate everyone taking the time to read my thoughts.  And I’m sure Matt appreciates all the silent prayers :o)

Okay, so the not so fun stuff first.  Monday, after the blog posting, Mom and I had a serious conversation about all things wedding related.  She had two main points of advice: stop talking about it and put it off for another year.  Of course, as Moms are so good at doing, she told me the two things I least wanted to hear.  And the two things I really need to consider.  So when we got off the phone, I was visibly upset, and Matt being the good guy that he is, asked about it.

So we talked (breaking Mom’s first rule).  And we fought.  A lot.

Now, let me explain for those of you who have known me in previous relationships.  When Matt and I fight, it is calm and civilized.  There is no yelling, screaming, name calling, “Well if you hadn’t done this then I wouldn’t have done that” accusations.  We actually are pretty good at just discussing what we are upset about.

I’m sure you can guess what Matt was upset about.  And honestly, I’m really, really glad he finally stood up and said something.  I think that I am the kind of person that will just push and push and push until you push back.  And he pushed back.  I needed that.

For me, it was a little more emotionally deep seeded.  Without getting too psychobabble on you, I might have some issues with feeling abandoned by the men in my life.  It’s happened once or twice (or every other time).  And while I certainly don’t need a pity party and don’t feel like these events rule my life, I would be stupid to say that they haven’t had an effect.  Deep down, I’m scared that Matt is going to be like the rest of the men in my world and leave me.

When I write that or say it out loud, I realize how ridiculous it is.  Aren’t I with Matt because he is so different from the rest of the men I have encountered?  If he can put up with this amount of crazy, I think he can handle most anything.  As he reminded me, this isn’t a question of “if” we are going to get married, it’s “when.”  And the “when” might be the one thing he ever has full control of in our relationship and I shouldn’t rob him of that.

So, the moral of the story is…maybe if I just shut my mouth for a few seconds, he might actually have a chance  to pop the question.

And the fun stuff!

Yesterday, we got back from a short little getaway to Vegas.  The trip was my birthday present from Matt, and it was amazing!  We left on Wednesday and had a very interesting drive.  We happened upon a radio station that was discussing how people feel when their best friends get married and they aren’t included in the weddings.  One girl called in to say that she wasn’t in her sister’s wedding, but she didn’t mind.  I commented that that would never fly in my family.  Blood would be shed, dresses would be ripped and hair would be pulled.

This led into an impromptu, very casual talk about wedding parties.  Matt told me all about plans for his bachelor party (of course he already has that planned), how he and his guy friends have commiserated about the impatience of their girlfriends (ha!  I’m not the only one!), and the tips he got on where to shop for rings.

This might be why we have such a problem.  You throw things like that into casual conversation and expect me to not be antsy about when it’s going to happen?  No fair!

So we arrive at the Venetian and make our way to our luxury suite (yay fancy room!).  Spent some time at the pool, had an awesome dinner and lost some money gambling (Sex and the City slots, you are no longer my friend).  Got to sleep in the next morning without a puppy begging to get into bed (side note, if having a puppy is just a small taste of what it’s like to be a parent, so not happening).  Thursday we spent some more time at the pool, had a drink or two (or ten…Matt), went to see the Viva Elvis Cirque du Soleil show (awesome!), had another fancy dinner and lost even more money.  Woke up Friday morning and after a quick jaunt (window) shopping at the Forum shops, headed home.

All in all, it was the perfect vacation.  A few days to relax and unwind and the perfect time for us to reconnect.  It was exactly what we needed.

So here it is, you are all my witnesses, my goal for the next few weeks is to be as patient as a saint.  We all know this isn’t going to happen, but I’m going to try.  Really, really hard!

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This might take a while

26 Jul

So I just started this thing and already I have been slacking on posting!  I will get better, I promise!  So a lot has happened in the past couple of weeks (no, not that) and I have a lot to write today!  If you’re going to need any refreshments (hopefully the alcoholic kind) or sustenance, grab ’em now!  Here we go…

In the last blog, I told you I would tell you more about how Matt and I met and fell in love.  Because there is so much to talk about today, I will give you the condensed version.  Matt and I met in August of 2008 at our New Teacher orientation.  For some reason, we were the only two teachers assigned to our mentor, so we spent a lot of the day just the two of us.  Unfortunately (I’m not quite sure that’s the right word, but it will do), we were both in relationships with other people at the time so at the end of the day we went our separate ways and didn’t think twice about it.  A couple months later I ended up getting a job at the school were Matt was working.  We started hanging out (band field trips to Disneyland?  Yes, please!) and became friends.  Both of us went through break ups at around the same time (mine was actually facilitated by a text from Matt) and were determine to overcome our “serial monogamous” ways.  So Matt, Katie H, Kristen and I decided that we should spend the summer living it up and dating like crazy.  To make it more interesting, we made it a contest: whoever could go on the most dates wins.  Bonus points were awarded for things like getting flowers on a first date.  There was one important rule in our contest: if you went on a date with Matt, it had to be a for real date, you couldn’t just hang out to get extra points.

Matt and I went out to a Dodger game on May 18, 2009 (I asked him to the game,he declared it an “official” date).  I would say that by our third date I knew I didn’t want to date anyone else and by the beginning of June, we were spending all of our time together.   The contest ended shortly after.  We found our first apartment in July and moved in in August.  We got our puppy Winston in November and moved from Santa Clarita (where we both grew up) to LA this past May.

I can very surely say that I knew I was going to marry him from very early on.  It took a little while for him to catch up, but he got there eventually.  Now the big questions is when we will take the next step.  And that is mostly what this blog will be about.  (Hopefully) over the course of writing this, we will get engaged and I will tell you all about wedding planning and what we are going through in the time before our big day.  But for now, I will tell you all about what it’s like to know it is coming, but have no idea when.

“It” of course, is the proposal.  The engagement.  The moment you fantasize about, repeatedly, from the time you realize he might be the one.  Even those of you who are not wedding obsessed have pictured it, be honest.  And if nothing else, you’ve thought about the ring.    For the most part, that giddy feeling you get in the pit of your stomach at the mention of the word wedding brings on a completely different feeling in the depths of your guy’s stomach.  Mention the “W” word, and he’s got one foot out the door.

Matt is definitely not like that.  He puts up with a fair (meaning vast) amount of wedding innuendo (meaning I bring it up almost daily).  There are piles of wedding magazines on our coffee table.  Our DVR list might as well be renamed the Wedding Channel.  We have had several (okay, many) conversations about the big day and when it might occur and what it might entail.  However these conversations continue to remain somewhat cryptic.

Me: I think I would feel better if I knew whether or not we were going to be getting married next summer.

Him: I think I would really like to get married next summer.

Two days later…

Me:  Well, if we’re for sure getting married next summer, then I don’t really care when we get engaged.  (Big fat lie, but who’s counting?)

Him: I said I would like to get married next summer, I didn’t say we were going to.

This is what our typical wedding conversation sounds like.  Confused?  Yes, me too.

Now, I think it is very sweet that Matt thinks he is going to surprise me with this proposal.  He should know by now that I am not going to allow that to happen as I suspect it at almost every moment of every day.  What he doesn’t seem to get is that the last thing I want is a surprise proposal.

One thing about my past…I have already been engaged.  I had the whole “surprise” (yes, I knew) big production proposal I thought I had been dreaming of.  And honestly, it just wasn’t for me.  Obviously the most important element, the man, wasn’t for me either, but nothing about the proposal was right.  It was so built up in my mind that nothing could ever reach those expectations.

And that is a big problem I face.  My chick flick watching, romance novel reading brain creates elaborate fantasies that can only happen when Julia Roberts or Mike Fleiss (of course I watch The Bachelor) is present.  This mind of mine does a really good job creating a proposal that is just never going to happen.  (I don’t think Matt is going to sweep me off to St. Lucia in a private plane just to stage our engagement.)  Which means I am setting myself up for disappointment.  And the last thing I want to be feeling on the day of our engagement is disappointed.

So I would rather just know when it’s going to happen so I am prepared for what awaits.  In a lot of ways, I feel like he wants to do the surprising, that this is more for him than it is for me.  Which is fine, that’s his right.  I’m not the one forking over the dough for the ring.  However, I do feel like maybe my wants should be taken into consideration.  But for now, I have no idea when it is coming.

I know you’re probably thinking that I would be lucky to even get a ring at this point.  How can this amazing man want to legally tie himself to this crazy person?  That is a question I ask myself often and still have no answer for.  For some reason, he loves me and is willing to put up with my madness.  For that, I can only be eternally grateful.

Now, the real ride begins.  How do I plan a wedding that isn’t officially on?  How do I imagine this looming engagement without building it up to epic proportions?  How do I continue on this path without driving Matt crazy?  How do I find a way to stop thinking about the wedding and start appreciating my (totally amazing and completely undeserved) relationship?

Hopefully, we will find out.

An introduction

15 Jul

Hello!  I will be starting my regular blogging on Sunday, but since I started my page today, I figured I should write something short and sweet about myself.

My name is Falon and I am a 27 year old high school English teacher.  I love all things pink, sparkly, cupcake and Disney.  My students sometimes say that I have the soul of a thirteen year old girl.  I love my job and I know how lucky I am to be able to say that!  I live in Los Angeles with my boyfriend (more on him in a minute) and our miniature pinscher chihuahua puppy Winston.  Some might say I am a fan of (read: obsessed with) weddings.  I will neither confirm nor deny this statement.

So the important stuff–the man.  Matt is amazing, mostly because he deals with my wedding nonsense without ever complaining (mocking is different from complaining, right?).  I will get into more details about our love story in the next post, but suffice to say, I have known that I would marry him from very early on in our relationship.  He is the one.  One hundred percent sure.

What is not so one hundred percent sure is when exactly we will be tying the knot.  But it better be soon.

See you Sunday!